I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
