god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
