she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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