farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
