Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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