woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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