Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
