He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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