Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
