thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize