toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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