im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
