he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
