Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
