trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dear god my vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
