Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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