My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
