Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
