I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
