If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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