so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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