I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
