Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I look better un-naked...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
