ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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