Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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