I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
