my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i think im in europe. pls send help
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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