so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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