Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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