sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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