508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
