Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
