omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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