airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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