Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
