My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize