please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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