yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
