i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
