I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
