i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
