I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
