and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
