my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
