Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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