every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
