The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
