I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
