can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
