Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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