mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
