"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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