all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize