I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
