I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
