SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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