we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
