help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
is it fun? or sober?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
