John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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