i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A+ Viking dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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