Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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