Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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