she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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