yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
