laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
