Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
