I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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