We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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