Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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