i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
