Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Acid is not a monday night drug
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
