just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
