apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
