So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
