Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
