Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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