and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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