omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
